It is with great eagerness that I take to the Ski Buzz blog, armed only with an iPhone, a camera, some bemused colleagues and a rudimentary knowledge of French – so as to add to our ski apps reviews.
France Montagnes have released an app upon the world that gives everyone the opportunity to look like – as the great Bill Cosby describes it – a “negative of a raccoon.”
In other words, like you’ve been skiing with goggles on, and suncream resolutely off.
For those who really want to go to town, Bienfaits Pour Vous also gives you the option of piling on about 20 kilos, as well as making you spotty from over-consumption of alcohol.
In order to achieve this look on your own you would have to star in two new television shows – Man vs Grub (UK spin-off) and Man vs Booze (a highly irresponsible show that can’t even be shown on the internet). Both shows would be set in a bar & grill that also doubles up as a giant sunbed. The local branch of Boots has sold out of suncream.
After a few months you would be well on your way to achieving your goal, but alas, your world would crumble around you as you witness your self-portrait attracting only pity and derision.
So really this app is a public service of sorts, as well as an amusing photo manipulator.
All you need is a half-decent portrait of yourself, straight-on to the camera. Take a photo with your phone or import one from your library. After that you’ll be guided through some simple calibration tasks before moving on to the customisation options (right).
The only significant issue I encountered (I even managed to navigate the instructions ‘en Francais’) was that the app doesn’t handle square images very well, which is a problem if you’ve got a photo in your library that’s taken with Instagram, Hipstamatic or similar. That’s a minor quibble though really.
We relished the results here at Crystal Towers – I collared Dave (left) and Amy (right) from the office to join me in this little triptych of suncream-dodgers.
Bienfaits Pour Vous by France Montagnes is available free from the Apple App Store.
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